Co-Regulation

By Jessica Jordan, MS, OTR/L

One of the biggest requests I receive as a school based therapist is not just about looking at this student’s writing, but is primarily about a student’s emotional regulation or their ability to “self-regulate”.  What I have learned through being a parent with my own 2 children that self-regulation is not only an absurd request for a preschool or an elementary school child to independently master, but it is also a skill that needs to be taught like so many other skills (i.e. dressing, riding a bike, and maybe even sleeping independently).  Self-regulation requires a higher level of thinking and using a different part of our brain that our students have not quite fully developed yet (inherit awareness and reflection).

According to the OTFC Group (n.d.), co-regulation refers to the social relationships and the way one can adjust themselves when interacting with another, in order to maintain a regulated state.  You may not even realize it, but so often as parents, caregivers, learning coaches, and teaching staff we are modeling regulation strategies for our students.  This can be as simple as taking a walk for a change of scenery, chewing gum to help us focus, taking deep breaths or even petting a furry animal.  Co-regulation is an interactive process and allows us to model these regulatory strategies.

When I think of examples of times I modeled co-regulation for my daughter, I often forget about how early my memories begin.  For example, on the day my daughter Ellie Mae was born I was already modeling co-regulation for her as I held her onto my chest, softly sang to her, and provided her with gentle strokes down her back.  Co-regulation helps to ground our children’s nervous systems, organize their thoughts, and provide safety in a time of need. 

One of the hardest parts of co-regulating is putting it into practice, especially when we ourselves might need someone to co-regulate with us too. Modeling regulatory skills and providing scaffolding opportunities to teach the skills with warmth, a structured environment, and other sensory aspects are key.  You cannot expect a child to have a “calm body” (the saying I so often hear being said at my school sites) without it being modeled by an adult. 

Here are a few of my favorite tips to help model co-regulation:

1. Assess the environment, and create a new scene. 

   1. For me, this often involves removing my daughter or the child from the environment they are currently in (if it is safe for us both) in order to provide a smaller more structured environment with controlled sensory input (i.e. dim lights, low auditory input, decreased extraneous visual input).

2.  Label the language and acknowledge emotions

   1. Often my daughter is saying whatever caused her to be dysregulated (i.e. Ellie stole my toy! In bursting tears unable to catch her breath) but is unable to identify what she is feeling.  This is where I come in to label the language and her feelings in a soft volume and tone which may look like this, “It looks like you are upset that Ellie stole your toy. I can see how that would make you mad.” Less language is more with our tiny humans.

3.  Check yourself

   1. This is where it is good to briefly check in with yourself. I often already feel myself becoming agitated because maybe after I did step 2 she is still crying hysterically but it is important for me to be this grounding source as she is unable to regulate independently.  

   2. Body awareness (how is my physical presence– am I offering a warm space? This may look like a hug, holding her hand, sitting near her, offering a light touch on her back, etc.)

   3. This may also be sitting in supportive silence.  Again like I said, less is more with our children with verbal communication.  We all need time to reset our nervous system.

4.  Prompt Strategies & Choices

   1. Now is the time to offer your child an opportunity to problem solve the incident/ situation (i.e “Let’s offer Ellie another toy to play with or practice taking turns if you are ready”) or further model additional regulation strategies if your child isn’t ready (“your body still looks mad to me due to ABC, let’s practice a few deep breaths together OR let’s go outside to see if we can find any buggies).

As an OT, we can self regulate and co-regulate more effectively when our sensory preferences and needs are being fulfilled so this is a reminder to you to also make sure you are filling your own sensory cup.  Let me know below if you have any additional strategies that have worked for you and your family to model co-regulation. 

Sources

Fogel, A. & Garvey, A. (2007). Alive communications. Infant Behavior & Development, 30, 251-257

OTFC Group. (n.d.). “What is Co-Regulation”.https://otfcgroup.com.au/what-is-co-regulation.