Confidence And Connection Over Compliance
By Erin Clarelli, MS, OTR/L & Jessica Jordan, MS, OTR/L
You might read that and say, “What are you talking about?!… you don’t want my children to listen to adults or follow directions.” But that couldn’t be furtherest from the truth! Let’s unpack what we are referring to and what it implies. First, as adults we want our needs met, right? It usually is for a greater purpose. For example, when we ask our children to clean up after they’ve finished playing with their toys it’s because we want a clean and organized home. Or if we ask our children to set the table, it’s because we need some help prior to serving dinner. All these wants or demands on our kids are often to either contribute to the family dynamic or day to day routines, as well as build character, respect, and morals in our kids. What if we build the CONNECTION before the COMPLIANCE… would we see more intrinsic motivation and morals vs. doing what we’re “told”?
Defining Compliance
When we break down and define the word comply, its means “to act in accordance with a wish or command; to be agreeable, to oblige or obey; unworthy or excessive acquiescence”. After reading that definition as a parent I shriek. Obey, be agreeable, oblige, all I can think of is a mini robot!
Take Home Points
I’d love to raise tiny humans that realize their needs are just as important as mine as an adult. Children that value connection with friends, siblings and me as their parent over compliance leading in rewards. Children that are raised and supported with total confidence rather than just being raised to obey because one day this approach will totally fail them. Especially in a world where we need to stand up for our meaningful occupations, values, and needs.
Connecting it Back to Our Sessions
As an occupational therapist, I apply these same principles while working with any individual. There will be greater generalization of skills across settings, pure joy and engagement, and skill acquisition and development when I’m applying these same principles of connection over compliance. A confident and connected client will be one who takes on new challenges despite the unknown. They will value the connections made with others, respect others in their community, and most importantly, be connected with themselves, their morals, and internal motives, vs. relying on other to dictate or “oblige” to.
